Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2010, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2010-01-31T21:23:54-06:00 2 daily Hey sellers - take some advice before posting http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1580127492.html I've spent the better part of 3 months searching craigslist, looking for furniture for my apartment. I've bought nearly everything I need for my apartment from craigslist, but it hasn't been easy. Why? Because most sellers repeat these same mistakes when listing their items. Take a moment to read this before you list, and I'm certain you'll get better results. 1. INCLUDE PICTURES. Take the extra 10 minutes to include some photos of your stuff. A photo makes all the difference! You can try to describe your "brown couch with lovely accent pattern" but a photo will tell me exactly what your couch looks like. 2. INCLUDE DIMENSIONS. Take 3 minutes and measure your stuff. I can't tell you how many "large tables" I looked at that were no bigger than 30" in diameter. And I can't tell you how many people thought I was crazy for asking for measurements before I came to look at something of theirs. Hey - if it won't fit in my dining room, I don't care how beautiful it is. 3. PRICE YOUR ITEMS APPROPRIATELY. This may be the most important tip I can offer. You may have paid $1500 for a couch 5 years ago, and it's probably a lovely piece of furniture. But, you sat on it for five years, your kids sat on it, your Uncle Troy with the flatulence issues sat on it twice a year for five years. Therefore, it's not worth $750, or $500, or probably even $300... and that's why your expensive couch sits on craigslist for weeks and weeks and weeks without selling. If you'd price it more realistically, it would probably sell quickly, and you could move on. Re-listing it a dozen times at that inflated price doesn't help. Price it right, and it'll sell quickly. Trust me!! I laugh when I see ads from people that have a dining room table "with a few nicks" or "some minor wear" listed for $800+. I'll buy a new one from Ashley for $399, thank you. And finally, try being nice when you respond to e-mails or phone calls. I dealt with one person who seemed genuinely upset that I wanted to buy his kitchen table. He was rude, inconsiderate, and didn't even seem to be remotely interested in selling the table. I'm not forcing you to sell anything - I've got cash, and I want to give it to you, so it might not hurt to brush up on your manners. And when you tell me to "call with questions" don't act as if you have no idea why I'm calling, especially after I say something like, "Hi, this is Joe - I saw your ad on craigslist for the table and chairs. I have a few questions if you have a few minutes available to chat." I said that exact same thing to a lady who was selling a table on craigslist, and her response was, "What? Why are you calling? My table? What about it?!" Crikey. So... take this advice for what it's worth - 1. Pictures 2. Measurements 3. Price appropriately 4. Use your head Oh, and how about one last bit of advice - tell us if you smoke, if you have pets, and if you have kids. And, if you have any one of those three items, reduce the price of your item by at least 25%. It makes a difference! <ul> <li> Location: Madison <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2010-01-31T21:23:54-06:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1580127492.html Hey sellers - take some advice before posting text Seeking Eunuch http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1486755048.html I have been in the pornographic films industry for several years and I'm so sick and tired of dicks I can hardly stand it! If you have no genitals or are willing to have them removed then you may be the man for me. I do not like and absolutely refuse to take part in any of the following: blowjobs rimjobs footjobs buttjobs vaginajobs dirty sanchez blumpkins strawberry shortcake flaming dragon Houdini donkey punch cincinati bowtie gasmask hot lunch golden showers cleaveland steamer the Paul Rubins gramma sophie's curtains the Pittsburg landfill I'm a mac and I'm a pc how to lose a guy in ten gays or any other sexual act of any kind. If this sounds like your idea of a good time then get in touch. serious inquiries only. No weirdos please. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-11-29T12:52:48-06:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1486755048.html Seeking Eunuch text I Saw Your Breasts By Accident - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1474867651.html I just happened to be walking my dog in the atwood area when I looked up at an apartment building and you were standing at your window topless, perfect as a figure cut out of a painting, your breasts so firm and yet plump in a way that suggested you would yield to the right touch. I went home and listened to classical music for an hour, trying desperately to recreate that feeling I had when I saw your breasts in the window, that transcendent serenity one feels only in the presence of art. When the music didn't work, I baked a cobbler - peach, my grandmother's most prized recipe - and sat on the floor of my living room, eating it with my hands, savoring not only the taste, but the warmth of the filling, and the just-right flakiness of the outside. I could've been in the remotest land on Earth, untouched by civilization - my perception felt that pure. All afternoon I've been floating inside; those breasts were a minor miracle in the midst of this gray, cold week. Thank you. <ul> <li> Location: atwood <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-11-20T12:55:49-06:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1474867651.html I Saw Your Breasts By Accident - m4w text things you could learn from my transgendered boyfriend http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1319154166.html Around craigslist there are a lot of public service announcements, people complaining about or suggesting what their ideal partner should be like. Most of these psa's feature a perverted, low-class guy requesting a young brain-dead nymphomaniac, or a radical feminist chick. The problem, I think, is the disconnect between the genders. Men blame their bizarre standards on testosterone, and women claim to be more cerebral and emotional. My boyfriend is transgendered, and so lived until the age of 14 as girl full-time, then transitioned and is now completely and totally male. But he has lived both genders and knows the shit that each of them has to put up with! I think his enlightened attitude could help us all understand dating and relationships better, because he's been burned both as a girl and as a man. He's too shy to do this himself, but let me condense his philosophy of sex and dating: 1. Treat people respectfully. Women do like having a partner that is attracted to them--even in that hungry, sex-wild way--but objectification is really unsexy. So, guys, respect that women are people, not just breasts. 2. Give up on understanding the other gender. Men will never understand what it feels like to be seriously sexually harassed or feel physically helpless against rape in the same way that women do. Women will never understand the pressure to stereotypically make money, put together the furniture from IKEA, and be a rock like men are supposed to. Advertising, movies, etc have brainwashed all of us into our gender roles, and we each think we have it bad. But this isn't a contest. Just be ready to concede that life sucks all around and no one but marketing specialists and beauty pageant coordinators is really responsible for it. 3. Guys, keep your perversions to yourselves. Your hormones might be screaming at you that the chick working the counter at Chipotle is totally fuckable, but keep it to yourself. Your girlfriend is likely not interested. 4. Ladies, learn to take a deep breath before freaking out. It's hard, I know. Our stupid hormones make us flip out more than we want to and sometimes feel out of control. But things will mellow out, often sooner rather than later if you stay calm. 5. Everyone needs to learn to compromise. Don't think that you understand how badly it might hurt your partner if you get a lapdance or cut your hair too short. Talk things through with the people you love. And play fair. If he's allowed a lapdance so is she. It's all about compromise and the rules change between every relationship. 6. Never say "my ex let me go to topless clubs with my friends" or "my ex let me pluck his eyebrows for him" or "my ex would go down on me as soon as I got home from work." Your ex isn't fucking here, are they? And believe it or not, your ex may have let you get away with murder--or, even worse, excessive manscaping--because of a low self-confidence problem. If your partner has the balls/ovaries to put their foot down about something, respect that they are mature and open enough to dialog about it instead of keeping it bottled up. 7. It's all about communication. Don't assume things. Don't assume that she'll hate the action comedy or that he hasn't seen the Notebook. Don't assume your bisexual girlfriend is automatically down for a threesome. 8. Don't try putting yourself in their shoes. Talk, listen, support, but don't ever lie and say that you really understand what someone has been through. 9. Guys, don't demand that a woman keep your house for you unless you are prepared to become the sole breadwinner for the household. Choose a decade to live in and stick to that decision. 10. Everyone--if monogamy is not for you, don't try. A lot of people have healthy, happy lives with nsa sex partners or no sex partners at all. A successful relationship is not necessary for a successful life. Many hearts have been broken by that guy/girl that tried to make it work but couldn't because some people are just polyamorous. Just be honest about it. And get friends that support you. 11. Don't force monogamy or polyamory on anyone else. People are kind of born leaning one way or the other. It's like trying to turn your friend straight so that you can be together. Not happening. 12. Have realistic expectations about your partner. Most men cannot have rippling muscles or earn six figures. Most women are not porn star/Betty Crocker hybrids. We're all just people that need to get over superficial stuff. This is our attempt to have a more fair and balanced dating guide. Just be happy with who you are. <ul> <li> Location: central madison, wi <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-08-12T09:45:37-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1319154166.html things you could learn from my transgendered boyfriend text Evolution of a pet ad http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1299168393.html Week 1: Ad #1 Purebread Yorkie puppies for sale 6 weeks old 3 girls @ $450 2 boys @ $400!! Parents on site! Hurry these won't last!!! Week 2: Ad #2 Purebred Yorkie puppies for rehoming - eating solid food - rehoming fee applies 2 girls 2 boys!! Parents on site. These are going fast!!! Week 3: Ad #3 Please don't flag this ad - I'm not a breeder. Purebred Yorkie puppies for adoption - 8 weeks old - email about rehoming fee. 2 girls 1 boy. Week 4: Ad #4 YOU IDIOTS ON THE CL POLICE NEED TO GET A LIFE. I AM NOT A BREEDER. IF THESE PUPPIES END UP IN THE POUND ITS YOUR FAULT. Purebred Yorkie puppies for adoption - 9 weeks old - email about rehoming fee. 1 girl 1 boy. Week 6: Ads # 5 and 6 (posted a day apart) Purebred Yorkie puppy for adoption - 10 weeks old - female. I have to rehome because of allergies. Rehoming fee does apply. To a good home only. Yorkie puppy for rehoming - 10 weeks old - male. I have to rehome because I'm moving. I hate to see this one go - rehoming fee applies to ensure a good home. Week 7: Ad #7 Pure Heart Rescue: 11 week old owner surrender purebred male Yorkie puppy. He is UTD on his shots and neutered. A vet reference and a home visit is required. Re-homing fee: $100. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-07-31T15:16:44-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1299168393.html Evolution of a pet ad text FREE CRAP! (manure) http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1275234651.html i have a bunch of crap (manure) that i would like to unload on you. big steaming pile on my curb; nice and fresh. Let me know if you want to deal with my crap (manure) and I will give you the address. Thanks, JIM <ul> <li> Location: north madison <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-07-17T15:45:15-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1275234651.html FREE CRAP! (manure) text To the guy who yelled: Hey Faggot! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1239419327.html To the guy in the white pick-up truck who yelled: "Hey faggot, nice purse!" while I was walking down the street carrying a tote bag -- do you have any idea where you are? This is Dyke Heights my friend. We all carry tote bags and you are the fucking minority who needs to watch your ass. As for calling me a faggot -- thank you. While most people take me for a dyke, seeing as I'm female, the days I pass as a flamboyant queer boy are some of the best days of my summer. Cheers! - One of the many proud faggy dykes on Willy Street. <ul> <li> Location: Willy Street <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-06-25T14:02:25-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1239419327.html To the guy who yelled: Hey Faggot! text Looking for Bridesmaids - w4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1053693787.html So, my fiancee and I are getting married in June. He has 8 groomsmen lined up and I only have one bridesmaid. So, I need some girls who are attractive and around my age to stand up in my wedding. You can be single or taken. It doesn't matter....you just have to be hot. But, not hotter then me. Email me for more information. The wedding will be in Madison and you won't have to pay for a thing. Hope to hear from you! <ul> <li> Location: Madison <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-02-27T20:53:37-06:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1053693787.html Looking for Bridesmaids - w4w text Martha Stewart prison sink/toilet combo http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1047081833.html One more item I gotta part with, Acorn Mfg. (no known association with the community organizers of the same name) stainless steel prison toilet. Rumor has it this is the Martha Stewart Signature Series, can't seem to find the label though. It's very clean too, as if Martha herself had actually used this. If you're into fantasizing about Martha Steward on the can in prison, or you just have fond memories of the greybar hotel, nothing brings you closer than your own authentic prison toilet. What can I say about this fine suicide resistant plumbing fixture? Got unruly house guests or the party has gotten completely out of control and you're worried someone in the bathroom is trying to make their own weapon? Well rest assured, they won't be able to remove any part of this toilet to fabricate an emergency shive, they'll just have to use something else. (like your toothbrush) Overdid it on the Mexican food? Nothing's better than parking your burning nether-regions on nice cold stainless steel, save the ice cream for later. Not quite sure it's something you personally need? Well wouldn't this be a fantastic gift for the recently paroled inmate, or the soon to be incarcerated, or that lucky bastard that got off from serious time in the clink. Christmas is but 10 short months away. It was suggested to send it to the IRS for all the new tax cheats, but that's not necessary any more since they've all gotten hired in this new administration. (there's a change) All this can be yours for only $345 or best offer. New these babies run over $2000 or more depending on model, I'm keeping it cheap due to hard economic times and passing the saving onto you. Thanks for looking and don't drop the soap <ul> <li> Location: Fort Atkinson <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-02-23T12:56:17-06:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/1047081833.html Martha Stewart prison sink/toilet combo text Guitarist of megalomaniacal speed seeks audience who won't combust http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/740837104.html I'd like to start this off by saying one thing: IF YOU DON'T LIKE GUITAR, IF YOU HAVE A FAMILY HISTORY OF CARDIAC INFIRMITY, OR IF YOU ARE IN ANY WAY OF A WEAK DISPOSITION, HIT THE BACK BUTTON RIGHT AWAY. But who doesn't like guitar, right? I don't think you understand. Jimi Hendrix played guitar. Groucho Marx played guitar. I think Winston Churchill might have played guitar. What I play is something different. Picture a Verdi opera: 3 hours of music, some of beautiful and ennobling, at times piquant and subtle, other times dramatic and inspiring. Take those three hours of music, those thousands of musical notes, and compress them into 4 measures of incomprehensible speed, delivered with earth-shaking finesse and a raucous disregard for any physiological limit to human auditory perception. I cannot stress this enough: I will play guitar so fast your face will melt. The last girlfriend I had was dearer to me than anything that doesn't have steel strings and pickups. It's with a heavy heart that I must confess that she met a tragic demise. I sat her down to perform for her, as she had never heard me play. Within mere seconds of the furious and almost satanically fast deluge of musical notes, she burst into flames and was reduced to a smoldering pile of ash. I have grieved for 7 months, and now it is time to seek a hardier companion. I seek a woman of no flimsy construction who can tolerate the cyclone of death that my guitar will unleash upon her. Think about the scene in Raiders of the Lost Ark when the Holy Spirit (or whatever the hell that poorly rendered gaseous conglomerate was supposed to be) ravaged the Nazis by melting their flesh from their mortal bones. This is what my guitar playing does, except there is only vapor left, no bones. I cannot stress this enough: I will play guitar so fast the Earth will be rent asunder and armies of hellions will spew forth to wreak havoc upon the human population. I don't care if you are fat, thin, average, need attention, busty, or even whether you genetically qualify as a human being. All that I care about, the single thing that will hold my attention, is a woman who can listen to my terror-inspiring, WMD-unleashing, virgin-defiling, hell-bent-on-misanthropic-destruction tornado of picking and whammy bar stunts without dying immediately. If you think you can witness the senseless and brutalizing destruction that is my guitar playing without being maimed, incinerated, mutilated, lacerated, or dismembered in any way, please send me an email and I will arrange a meeting. Postscript: I think I'll have to have you sign documentation of release before we meet, however, as I am a wanted man in 48 states for assaulting an officer via sweep picking, and my guitar playing has been banned in Norway for causing several churches to burn to the ground. And yeah, I've never been to Norway. <ul> <li> Location: Madison <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-07-02T18:29:59-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/740837104.html Guitarist of megalomaniacal speed seeks audience who won't combust text To the uber sexy thunderstorms this weekend - m4w (kickapoo valley) http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/712730793.html Thank you so much for making my first camping trip of the season so memorable. I don't think there's any one part of your influence that I can specifically point out, every bit of you was that sexy. From the 24 hours of downpour that caused the flooding that forced us to re-route on the drive home, to the multiple reported tornado landings all around us, even to the random pitters of hail, and to the way we drank ourselves stupid in our tents because you wouldn't let us out. It certainly was hot the way you kept coming at us wave after wave. Though we shall likely never meet again, I thank you, for I will never forget this weekend I spent with you. From your drenched and besotted admirer. <img src="712730793.1.jpg"> <img src="712730793.2.jpg"> <ul> <li> Location: kickapoo valley reserve <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2008-06-08T19:00:46-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/712730793.html To the uber sexy thunderstorms this weekend - m4w (kickapoo valley) text 6 pack packing tape for $5 for 6 pack beer http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/421032420.html So I posted an ad asking to exchange the packing tape pictured below for a sixer of beer. I figured this would be no big deal - a basic easy trade with no lingering anxieties or questions left unanswered. Tape is tape and beer is... well... delicious. However, my ad was flagged. This leaves me mildly upset. Bartering for beer is a practice I commonly use in Wisconsin. I'll be at Culver's (also delicious) with some friends and I'll be out of cash so they'll pick up my tab. And instead of owing them $5.31 or whatever I'll just owe them a beer or two next time we go out. Easy. Very easy. So easy, in fact, that I thought the same principal could be applied to the barter system on Craig's List. But alas, this extraordinary website I have relied on for so much (my job, my apartment, a few gigs, even a date or two), has let me down. Burried in the fine print I see the prohibited list includes: "Alcohol or tobacco products." Sigh. Too bad Craigslist is based out of California - where unhappy cows come from - instead of the Great State of Wisconsin. Then we would only be able to barter for beer, cheese and brats. I guess the point is that I'm still trying to get rid of this packing tape. So now I am asking to trade the 6 pack packing tape for $5 so I can purchase the 6 pack of beer. I'll even throw in a bonus roll. Other offers will be entertained, including a trade for non-California cheese. <img src=421032420.jpg>  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: The Great State of Wisconsin <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-09-12T21:05:42-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/421032420.html 6 pack packing tape for $5 for 6 pack beer text To the girl who flashed me while I was driving - m4w http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/416197979.html You were on the sidewalk with a gaggle of your friends and you were all rushing toward the curb. I hit my brakes, afraid that you were going to run into the street, but you flashed me instead. Never before have I believed in love at first sight. They were shapely and round and oh-so-generously proportioned, with smooth creamy skin, and they were proudly standing up with the resilience of youth. I immediately began thinking of all the things I could do with your breasts -- we could go for long walks together on misty mornings, have dinner in romantic restaurants, go for bike rides around the lake. I began to imagine a lifetime of waking up with your breasts in my face, continuing to love them as age and gravity inevitably take their toll. I could write poems for your pom-poms, ditties for your titties. Eat your heart out Keats -- who needs a Grecian urn when I've got a pair of ice cream sundaes with cherries on top? I'm almost certainly too old for you, but I think I could still have a meaningful relationship with your boobs.  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: university ave <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-09-07T08:59:46-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/416197979.html To the girl who flashed me while I was driving - m4w text Rave: Planned Parenthood http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/362759968.html So I had a little run-in with my doctor last year. I asked for a Plan B prescription - this was before it became readily available over the counter. Keep in mind that Plan B pill it is NOT an abortificant, it won't do anything if you already pregnant. My (Catholic) doctor raised both of his eyebrows and said in his most appalled tone of voice - "We don't do that here!" I am sorry? What?! You prescribe birth control, don't you? This is merely a double dose of birth control. Not RU-486 that causes a miscarriage, simply a pill that prevents pregnancy if your condom breaks or slips off while you fail miserably to execute a graceful flip from a reverse cowgirl to doggy style or vice versa. Nope. No good. He wouldn't give me a script. So here I am, a grown woman, with a health insurance and a FLEX plan, making an appointment with the local Planned Parenthood. You know, the same PP that us teenage girls used in college so the parents wouldn't find out what we were up to. I was at least 10 years older than the average patient there. In the end, it took me three weeks to get my hands on Plan B last summer, the irony is, the medication has to be taken within 24-48 hours to be effective. Good thing I didn't need it urgently or anything. In any case, that's how my relationship with Planned Parenthood got started - big F.U. to the schmuck who wanted to impose his religious beliefs on my health and lifestyle. Today, I had my annual exam, because I am one of those "happily promiscuous" women, and when I say I am D&D free, I want to be damn sure that it's true. For my own peace of mind, if not yours. The legs-in-the-stirrups part went as smoothly as KY jelly on two fingers, nurse practioner making it as easy as one can expect under the circumstances. She cheerfully declared that everything looks great and sat down to discuss the rest of my paperwork. Have you ever seen those multi-page double-sided health history questionnaires they make you fill out? There are no less than three places where you have to indicate when was the last time you had sex (er... half hour before the appointment? I showered! Really! I did!). Then indicate what kind of sex you usually have (check all that apply): oral, anal, vaginal. Gender of your partners: Male, female, both. You get the idea. I could see the nurse's eyes get a little bigger as she read my answers. Then she paused and asked me how many partners I had in the last 90 days. I was caught off guard by an unexpected question, still half naked and draped with a flimsy paper towel. I can't think well when my pants are off, which come to think of it, explains quite a bit about my life. I stalled a bit, asking innocently if I missed that question somehow, while in the back of my mind I was panicking, desperately trying to remember every Dick I met in the last 90 days and how fucking long ago did I meet that guy from Minneapolis and god dammit I need to peruse NSA section a little less and for real how many did I fuck and do I have to count random blow jobs or having sex with an ex-boyfriend omg I can't tell her THAT number am I really such a slut she is going to call CDC and a swat team in biohazard suits will show up for pete's sake!!! I finally squeaked out a number. She did a double take. That many? In the last 90 days? I stammered and said "let's not go there". Really, I know how fucked up I am, but I definitely did not check Yes on the question "do you have any concerns about sex you would like to discuss today?". The nurse, without missing a beat, said "You know what, have as many partners as you want! Just practice safe sex!" and opened up a medicine cabinet. "Here are a few for the road!" she chirped, dumping rolls of condoms in a little goody bag with pamphlets she had sitting on the table next to my chart. Shocked that someone can be so accepting, I stuttered and said "Just how many do you think I need?!" She smiled and said "As many as it takes!" I was speechless. Thank you, nurse practioner. You rock. You were absolutely wonderful today. You not only had an outstanding bedside manner that more than a few doctors should acquire but you also showed genuine kindness and understanding that is so rarely seen anywhere today, much less in medical profession. Most of all, thank you for not judging and thank you for supporting me. And as long as I am on the subject of support, I would like to remind everyone who bemoans that Planned Parenthood supports abortion, that they also provide reduced fee STI testing and condoms to those who otherwise wouldn't have either, curbing spread of diseases throughout general public. For many, Planned Parenthood is their only access to affordable reproductive health care. And if you think that your holier than though persona doesn't have to worry about it, go through the nearest Craigslist NSA section and see how many married religious business professionals are out there looking for random play (I should know, I slept with a few of them). Then think about it again. Then write a check to Planned Parenthood, along with a thank you note. So long story short, tomorrow is a Friday night, I have about five dozen condoms here and a clean bill of health. Anyone wants to go out for drinks?  <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-06-29T00:00:27-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/362759968.html Rave: Planned Parenthood text Dear Ex-Customer (AKA Thief) http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/286520657.html You asked me if I was willing to lose a customer over $5.00. I ended the phone call professionally and politely. But what I really wanted to say was "Did you enjoy losing your self respect over $5.00?" Because, you see, I didn't lose a customer-- I lost a manipulating trouble maker at best. At worst, I lost a lieing, abusive, domineering thief who likes to make the simple working class feel like the inside of a toilet bowl. Now, I understand that putting others in their place makes you feel better about your own pitiful self. Furthermore, I realize that service industry people are an easy target. Trained not to fight back, or have their own opinion. But, certainly you must have a hard time looking in the mirror if you are even half human. Yes, this is you I am talking about. You decided to taste your side items before you left the drive thru two days ago. You decided they weren't hot enough and screamed at the employee to get new ones. Now we politely accomodated you even though those items can't possibly get cold at 12:15 when they fly out as fast as they can be made. Certainly, the other 200 people loved them (or at least did not feel the need to act like a child.) We would wait the few minutes for a new batch and bring them out to you if you would kindly pull forward. But that was unacceptable. Your sandwich would get cold. When we brought them out you had to voice your displeasure to another employee. She had to sit and listen while you told her that you are a teacher and don't have time for this kind of delay. We now know that you are far too important of a person to experience such a setback. Unfortunately, your ranting did not cause the world to stop and give you the freebies you so desperately sought. The universe is well aware of your type. What type? You proved that yesterday. You called and spoke with me at the busiest time (the time when you were hungry again). You said you were here yesterday and that your entire order was screwed up. You did not ask for the manager but simply asked if we sold a "cherry kind of drink" I said "Well, we don't make specialty drinks but we do have cherry pepsi, but I'm not sure if that is what you are seeking" You then changed tones and asked if I was the manager. I listened intently as you rambled on. The sandwich was cold, the side order was "not seasoned properly", and the drink was some kind of a cherry drink. At this point I know exactly who you are even though you didn't mention your complaints yesterday. You told me you don't have time to get out of the car to complain so you were letting me know today. But still I pursue the high ground. I politely apologize. I assure you that we strive to have each and every customers experience be proper. That we will work hard to make sure your next visit is perfect if you would care to visit us in the future. But then you say "That is not good enough" you needed a coupon for your troubles, and you wanted the corporate number if I refused. Now the gloves come off. Do you feel that we are all imbeciles compared to you--in your royal glory? No one really believes you even have a job. You didn't count on having the same person be aware enough to catch you in your scam did you? Are you telling me you didn't take one sip of the drink in the two minutes you waited? That you couldn't say a word about it when you said everthing else that could be said. What's wrong? Your steaming hot side wasn't good enough. It wasn't seasoned properly. These things are uniform and seasoned the same in every location in the world. There is no potential user error. Local stores do not prepare them in any way. The other 5,000,000,000 orders were ok and yours not I guess. The sandwich you ordered is made from scratch every time. It does not get cold in two minutes. If you went through drive thru I don't think you planned to eat it that instant anyway (although if you were in a hurry you could have eaten it right there!) Trust me the two minutes didn't change it. No more than the two minutes extra it takes some people to drive 2 more minutes down the road (when they work farther away). Why would you wait until the next day to call? You obviously knew how to reach us (you proved that simply by calling when you did.) You didn't call yesterday because you had already griped up a storm. You were pampered by us every step of the way. But that wasn't good enough. You called the next day when you were hungry. You had it all planned out. The free meal was yours for the taking. Your mistake was in treating people like they are too dumb to comprehend a scam when they see one. I have never lost a CUSTOMER over "$5.00". But I am happy to remove freeloaders every chance I get.   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-03-01T07:53:26-06:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/286520657.html Dear Ex-Customer (AKA Thief) text Wisconsin - Forward! http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/93592096.html Can you coasties post something funny or enlightening and stop ripping on Wisconsin? Let me just throw down some ground rules for future Wisconsin haters: 1) Don't mention New Yawk--it is one of the world's biggest city, the comparison makes no sense 2) If you live in a SUBURB, do not post at all. Coming from a suburb of Chicago (or New Yawk) does not make you a urban sophisticate, it makes you a yuppy 3) Don't rip on our style. I've seen you in your black North Face, black hollywood hangover glasses, and black pants. That's not style. That's wearing what is expensive and what everyone else is wearing. It requires no creativity, work, or personality. You are the same people who buy art that requires no skill because some schill in a beret told you it deep and meaningful. 4) Don't call us too polite or too reserved. You are so educated and urban, yet you will commit that age old academic fallacy of stereotyping? Ummm...yeah. I know it might blow your mind, but I've met lots of Wisconsinites who are outgoing, sometimes too much so. Maybe we just don't like talking to assholes... 5) Don't complain about our winters. Surprise, surprise, surprise, it's cold in the winter in Wisconsin. Who knew? Honestly, don't be such a pussy. Find something to do in the winter. Maybe you could try drinking (we have) Besides, it just makes spring that much better. 6) Don't rip on the Packers. Yes, we like the Packers and we love Brett Favre. Would you even have ever heard of Green Bay if it wasn't for the Packers? A team owned by the city, that can't move, and if they are sold the profits go to the local VFW? Sweet. So sweet. Brett won us the Super Bowl and is one of the toughest SOBs alive, nuff said. 7) Don't complain about our drinking habits. It's called binge drinking, we like it, and we don't plan on changing any time soon. PACE is just a prank the University is playing on freshmen parents, ignore it. 8) Don't talk politics. Are we getting more red? Maybe,but only because liberals these days are fucking idiots. We are progressives, not rednecks, or fanatics. That means we don't mind taxes because, it makes our state a nice place to live, we work hard, and we believe in helping people who are struggling. We are not racists, homophobes, or gun nuts. Al Franken is an unfunny fucking moron. I know that is off topic, I just had to get it off my chest. Sorry. 9) Don't self-hate. I will find you and release a pissed off badger in your room while your sleep. Seriously, have some pride in your state you fucking dolt. 10) Say at least one nice thing. Hey, we can't be all bad, right? And with that I'll say: Welcome to Wisconsin. We want you here. Travel around, see what we've got to offer. That is how a truly intelligent person does things. If your nice to us we might even take you hunting, fishing, hiking, kessler-drinking, or to a Packers game (really nice to us for that one). Because deep down, we are nice and we like meeting new people, even pompous coasties. Sincerely, Wisconsinites Everywhere p.s. give up on the sconnie thing, it's just not cool anymore webmaster@craigslist.org 2005-08-26T14:34:53-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/mad/93592096.html Wisconsin - Forward! text