Best of Craigslist

Best of Craigslist http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best postings from craigslist.org, selected by readers en-us Copyright 2010, craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org webmaster@craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ Best of Craigslist Collection 2009-11-29T07:51:09-05:00 2 daily re: 'Abnormal sex' http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ith/1486356369.html In most any circumstance, when I come across an outlandish spewing of rigid opinions presented as absolute facts, I merely roll my eyes and dismiss it. This is incredibly common. However, it seems I’ve had the misfortune of missing the diatribes earlier this week on ‘abnormal sex’ and the ad hominems that followed. Since it seems popular to decide that anyone taking a position on this issue must also fall into an easily labeled stereotype, perhaps it would be best to skip a few posts/labels and proffer some information: I am a straight Caucasian male. I have written three extensive papers on DOMA (Defense of Marriage Act) and the many anti-same-sex marriage policies it has inspired throughout our country in all levels of government and society; two of which are being prepped for publishing. I was introduced to serious sexual study by a former Professor who is an ordained Reverend and earned his PhD in Sexual Ethics of Christianity (or possibly Catholicism). I have lectured and tutored at Cornell in Human Sexuality and Sexual Ethics – which is also to state that I have led a very active and varied sex life. My meaning is not to enter this fray and stomp on anyone, but rather to attempt to educate and/or inject some truths into many of the common myths I’ve seen argued in this thread. I’m not going to try to put a whole semester’s worth of information in just one post, but I’ll loosely try to cover some basics. ‘Abnormal Sex’ Sodomy is as misunderstood as it is misapplied largely due to expressions of male homophobia. Contrary to common belief, sodomy is not at all limited to anal penetration; even if that seems to be the focus of almost all anti-homosexual rhetoric. Sodomy is almost any sort of sexual activity that isn’t penile-vaginal. Your ex-gf ever give you a blow-job? Ever lick a clit? Ever tried heterosexual anal sex? When you were little, did you think the Daisy Duck with the ‘come fuck me’ look was kinda hot? All of them are sodomy. Yep… bestiality, too, is sodomy. Since someone out there is going to be tempted to break out Genesis 18-20, allow me to do it first: sodomy is derived from the Ecclesiastical Latin term ‘peccatum Sodomiticum’, the ‘sin of Sodom’. However, this association is based on what theologians and sexologists both deem sexual depravity; which is not, by any stretch of the imagination, limited to male homosexual sex. But this leads nicely into the next point… ‘Sex for Procreation / Religious Purpose of Sex’ Immanuel Kant, Sir Thomas Moore, Jerry Falwell, ….and quite a host of others have gotten this message all kinds of wrong. And to an extent, this was understandable. Up until the discovery of the X and Y genes, it was scientifically believed (largely based on theological influence) that ejaculate contained a very tiny man that would grow in a woman’s womb – and that it was a fault of care by the pregnant woman if she should deliver a girl, as she must have damaged the baby while carrying it. As our consciences were informed by our philosophical and spiritual leadership throughout Western civilization for thousands of years, it is difficult to let go of the ‘immorality’ of ‘wasting sperm’. Of those that rigidly take the stance of sexual behavior being for procreation and thus, homosexuality or casual sex wholly immoral – only Kant makes an allowance for ejaculation absent an attempt for pregnancy: nocturnal emissions. Wet dreams aren’t murder. More to the point, though - only rigidly fundamentalist Christians (that haven’t been caught paying male prostitutes for homosexual sex) loudly claim that sex is strictly for procreation. Not even radical Muslims nor even Hasidic Jews make such a claim. The most God-fearing Catholic Cardinals don’t say this either (another popular myth) – and for good reason: The Song of Solomon, the Song of Songs…. often theologically interpreted as an allegorical representation, it is also an eloquently GRAPHIC exchange between a man and a woman wherein the woman asks the man to give her oral sex until she climaxes on his face, and then he is to ride off, still smelling of her. Go ahead – draw out the visuals the song describes, line by line, on a piece of paper. Not so much as one word about procreation. And the Cardinals attending the Muratorian Canon (where the Holy Bible was put together) and Council of Laodicea in 363A.D. agreed. Sex was also pleasurable – and one could cultivate a virtuous and spiritual existence by recognizing it. The Council of Hippo (A.D. 393) and the Council of Carthage (A.D. 397) also both affirmed these findings and left the Song of Songs in the Bible. And yes, it was mentioned that it encourages what was earlier deemed to be ‘sexual deviance’ in Genesis… at all three Councils. A little tidbit homophobes have overlooked when writing anti-sodomy laws. Buddhists, Shinto’s, Zen, Confucius’… all major religions and philosophies in the world since the written word have acknowledged that sex is pleasurable and, exercised within certain perimeters, is healthy for the moral and spiritual being of a person even when not for procreation. ‘Sexual Depravity and Abnormal Sex’ So what is sexual depravity and/or abnormal sex? First, you should dispel the notion that the two are in any way connected. Abnormal sex is a useless term altogether. Since the dawn of time, human beings around the world have studied and experimented and educated others in sexuality – publicly shunned and privately praised. There’s nothing you’ve ever thought of doing, or seen or even heard about doing that wasn’t done thousands of years ago and likely published. The Kama Sutra was originally compiled in the 2nd century and contains over 1200 verses in 36 chapters. Ancient Egyptians prayed to different gods and goddesses each with a minor attribute of sexuality. In both the Roman and Greek Empires, people would pay to have sex with the priest or priestess (homosexual or heterosexual sex) in order to commune with the gods. In Shinto (Japanese religion), sex is seen as a pleasurable way to display affection as well as to create children. But here’s the most important societal truth to walk away with: the most successful tester and determining factor for technological advancements throughout human history? Human sexuality. If there’s a new technology to communicate ideas or thoughts, sexual study or expression is the first to test it on a mass scale. Largest industry on the Internet? Online Porn. HDDVD or Blu-Ray? Porn studios/publishers BETAMAX or VHS? Porn studios. Word Processors, Type-writers, the printing press and type-block print? Erotica pamphlets and literature. So – what is sexual depravity then? Sexual depravity can be the denial of sexual identity or expression; because we are all sexual beings, biologically created to want and desire sexual gratification as well as procreate. Subconsciously affected by pheromones, dopamine, oxytocin, and a host of other chemicals we send to one another in our constant bid for sex. The vast preponderance of scientific evidence supports what I believe is common sense – you have very little control over who you’re attracted to or why on a primal level because you are genetically wired to be that way. The other two forms of sexual depravity are inter-related because they both revolve around the sexual objectification of others. The first is direct objectification. It’s leading someone on for self-gratification only or treating someone as a sexual object without mutual acknowledgment and consideration. It’s a cheating wife or a boyfriend that withholds sex for control. It’s also an emotional affair. But most importantly – it is treating your sexuality as private, instead of personal…. it’s locking your bedroom door instead of just closing it. When everyone else is locked out of your sexual expression and ideas, it opens the path to objectification. This leads us to the last form of sexual depravity: the people that objectify the sexuality or sexual identity of strangers for their own indignant gratification. In short – if it’s not affecting you or the people you are responsible to, IT’S NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS, PERVERT. For the three of you that actually read all of this – have a good Sunday. <ul> <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-11-29T07:51:09-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ith/1486356369.html re: 'Abnormal sex' text To the guy who tailgated me for 20 miles this morning http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ith/1459401682.html I get it. You wanted to go faster, and given that you drive a Mitsubishi Lancer maybe you are under the impression that you are fast and/or furious. I'm the guy who was in front of you for 20 miles from Alpine Junction to Ithaca, driving at various speeds with the constant being that you were so close to my rear end it felt like I was trapped in a changing room with Richard Simmons. We met at 61 mph, a nice speed for Route 13 -- fast enough to not take forever and slow enough to go unremarked by the many police who patrol that road. You were unsatisfied and expressed it by staying a cool 5 feet off my bumper. I slowed down gradually to 55 mph. This was one of several opportunities to pass me, but you just slowed down too and stayed back there like you wanted to turn on a Sting album and spoon me. So I sped up again hoping that you'd get the message and let me keep the distance I had won between us...but no, you are a jealous sharer of the road, Mitsubishi Lancer. You caught up. For 10 more miles we were like cellmates and you tried to make me your bitch, but all you succeeded in doing was going 13 miles an hour slower than when you started tailgating me. How did that work out for you? Coming down the hill into Ithaca I sped up again, figuring you'd been punished enough. So when you tried to give me the Sneaky Pete again, I admit I lost my cool and touched the brake for the first time. I hope you spilled your coffee on what I imagine were your Faded Glory pleated khaki pants. Then, in the two-lane road in town you didn't go around. You proceeded to follow me all the way to my parking place before giving me a look and going on your way to, I assume, the DMV where you work. I offer you these common sense tips: 1. Tailgating is a dick move, and it's even more of a dick move if the guy in front of you is already well above the speed limit on a well-patrolled road. 2. If you are tailgating someone and they slow down, that's your cue to pass and if you can't pass, well then screw you because you are being a dick anyway. 3. It actually makes sense to leave some distance for you too. Have you seen all the deer carcasses on the road? That's because cars hit them. If a deer jumps in front of me and I have to slam on the brakes, I don't want you crashing into me. Based on your body, your reaction time is only fast in World of Warcraft. <ul> <li> Location: Ithaca <li>it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul> webmaster@craigslist.org 2009-11-10T09:42:23-05:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ith/1459401682.html To the guy who tailgated me for 20 miles this morning text Halloween Observations http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ith/465505893.html Hello, Ithacans. I just saw about half of you, children in tow, participating in a centuries-old begging ritual that I happen to ADORE, and I thought I'd share a few specific observations. First off, a rave: the vast majority of children on my doorstep were extraordinarily well-mannered, thoughtful, and respectful of both me and your fellow trick-or-treaters. And my cat. Thanks for asking first if you could pet her... which most of you did, and every single cat-petter was extremely gentle. Thanks for that. She had a great time. Now, to get a little bit more specific. A rant to the band of 14-15 year old girls dressed as Playboy Bunnies. UM!? Who lets their kid go out like that? You got Jolly Ranchers, you little twits. I hope they don't get stuck in your braces. A rave to the group of teenage girls who eschewed candy and instead collected canned goods for Loaves and Fishes. Brilliant! Sorry that I wasn't better stocked up - maybe this should become a thing next year. Instead of teenagers whoring for candy (um, literally, so it seemed), they could all bring backpacks and collect nonperishables. The fun of trick-or-treating without... well... annoying me. A rant to Ithaca Mom who stood at the foot of my stairs and said "Do you guys have any non-sugary stuff?" Um. Not really. It's Halloween. I might have a couple of organic Russet potatoes in my kitchen or something. If you don't want your kid to have candy, don't freakin' take them trick-or-treating. Duh. A rave to the royally-dressed family who, instead of asking for non-sugary treats, just asked for UNICEF money and nothing else. What ever happened to UNICEF? I had a pocketful of quarters, and I gave them all to you, because you were the first people who asked, and I was about to close down shop. Also, your kids were super-sweet and your older princess made fast friends with my kitty. Teaching your children civic responsibility while not being annoying... I'm duly impressed. A rant to the obnoxious woman who criticized me for having my cat on a leash ("torture", you said). Yep, she's on a leash. No, I don't let her run around outside. There are so many reasons behind this. When I first got this cat, I kept her inside all the time, but my new roommate got her a leash and tried it out. I was hesitant at first, but it turns out, the cat seems to really like it. It gives her a taste of the outdoors without me having to worry about her getting randomly raped by the big scary neighborhood male ghetto-cats or simply run over by a car. And something about saving the songbirds - I don't remember what, exactly, but I read it on Craigslist so it must be true. Anyhow, you think it's cruel. Yeah, she was clearly miserable. That's why she was purring and licking your child's hand. A rave to the wandering accordion troubadour. Fun! Clever! And you're really good! I seem to remember you from last year, too... please make it a tradition! Ignore the pack of teenagers who laughed at you. While most people think accordions are annoying, EVERYONE thinks teenagers are annoying. You win. A half-rant to the children who don't understand the phrase "take two". Yeah, I saw you palm three bite-sized Milky Ways. I don't care enough to actually rant, but don't be thinkin' you're all clever, now. A rave to the sweetest pair of big brothers I ever saw - most 10-12 year old boys don't take care of their little tiny (3? 4?) sister quite like that. You carried her up the steps so she didn't trip in her tiny princess costume. We said to the little one, "Awww, is that your big brother?" and she said, "Yeah, he's a really sweet big brother! And [pointing at the other one] he's a really sweet big brother too!" in her tiny little voice - we performed a full choral AWWWWWWW! All three of you got big handfuls of candy. And a rant to the trick-or-treating twenty-something couple. She was pregnant and smoking, and he got candy for both of them. I didn't even know where to start with this one. UM. If you're old enough to get down to babymakin', you're too old to be trick or treating. And you can't smoke while you're pregnant. And if you're too pregnant (and too busy smoking) to come up on my porch, and send your guy to do it for you... Jesus. You were admittedly polite and friendly, but COME ON! And finally, a rave for all of the fantastic costumes that I saw, ESPECIALLY the non-store-bought ones. The little quarter (as in 25-cent-piece). The cat and the fiddle. The bookshelves. Thing One and Thing Two. A highly convincing and very tiny Harry Potter. Too cute, all of you. Bravo to creativity. So, thanks, y'all. It was, overall, a great night.   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: North Tioga <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-10-31T21:42:30-04:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ith/465505893.html Halloween Observations text Vintage 1985 Vag http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ith/359545185.html Manufactured by New Haven Vagina, Inc. Highly dependable, well-maintained. Currently attached to easygoing, non-removable woman, long blonde hair, blue eyes, 5’6’’. All appendages present and in good, working condition (some superficial dings due to skiing accident). The Vag itself is free of cosmetic blemishes, in original color: classic nude. Also includes original stereo system, although sometimes volume will increase when shifting into higher gears. Currently seeking male driver for ideal manual operation who is also well versed in safety precautions, and who would prefer to lease – no rentals please. Prospective drivers should submit a request with photo included and attributes that they believe would contribute to their Vag operating abilities. Upon request, photographs can be supplied with or without the Vag. Photos of the ’85 Vag itself will be made at the owner’s discretion. Best offer.   <ul class="blurbs"> <li> Location: Ithaca <li> it's NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests</ul>  webmaster@craigslist.org 2007-06-24T23:17:42-04:00 Copyright 2010, craigslist.org http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/ith/359545185.html Vintage 1985 Vag text